“Strong good men pose no threat to to the world. But when we medicate and train boys to be weak in our schools, and eviscerate them in our universities for being masculine, we create levels of rage never seen before in history. The world need not fear the strong man, but untold terrors await the release of the monster in a weak man”
-Jordan Peterson, PhD.
Growing up into your potential and becoming a good man depends on five things:
1. You’ve got to do the Reps
Don’t be a guy who thinks reading and studying alone will make you stronger. Without application to your life in vivo, you’re merely puking factoids—which just irritates most people, or worse. Strength and endurance increase in proportion to Resistance × Repetition × Consistency. Get serious—because this is your life, and that’s serious.
2. Go on a REALITY diet
It takes authentic mojo to eat an exclusive diet of reality. How do others perceive you out there? In your family? At work or in your gaming squad? This doesn’t mean you don’t have fun. It means that at work, the gym, or in love, walk away if it ain’t real. Be you and share a weakness—show a scar or two. You crave being real, and solid people are drawn to real people, not Mr. Personna.
Use the mirror to grow your self-awareness, not check out your glutes. Ask a friend, wife, girlfriend, sibling, or boss to tell you what they’d like to see you change and how you might improve.* Take notes, don’t be defensive, then pray and work on it. Expect reality to bite at first—then it will set you free and elevate your game. People will not only like you more, but they’ll also trust you.
*NOTE: Leadership growth expert Dr. Marshall Goldsmith’s research shows we should NOT tackle the whole list at once. Instead, take the most important item and focus on it for 30-60 days, then tackle the next.*
3. Seek out Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is REALITY 2.0. It means being sensitive to people and their needs. Most of us think we’re pretty awesome until we see ourselves as others do. Empathy is a spirit muscle group required for adult-adult relationships. What is their perspective? Why care?
Because, like it or not, their view shapes your world: the opportunities that won’t come, the people you hang with (and later marry). Essentially, your whole future is shaped by your self-awareness and your empathy for others.
4. Find a life coach or mentor you trust
“Solid people are drawn to real people, not Mr. Personna.”
Remember your favorite coach? What did you learn? How to hold a bat—shoot a free throw? Why are they so important to fulfilling your potential? Because they see, from a wizened perspective, what you cannot—but need to. Usually, they want to help you rise to that new level. Finding a trustworthy coach is like finding success in life. Where do you find another man who’s been there, failed some, processed pain, and seasoned into wisdom? Who do you admire or trust with 20-40 more years on you? We’re talking Silverbacks here. Great men develop from great coaches.
5. Go Holistic
“If you are a thinking person, most of us will affirm that Jesus is the universal Archetype of the perfect man.” —Jordan Peterson
Don’t just be stronger in your BODY or MIND. Determine to exercise your SPIRIT too. Compared to the bench press—a guy may lift 280 or 350 lbs., yet lack enough spiritual strength to raise an eyebrow. This means carving out a daily routine off the grid. Turn off your phone and go to a private place to be truly alone. Get a Man’s Bible, start with deep breathing and reading a few verses each morning. Focus. Kill your cell for 15 minutes.
Check out Psalm 23, the book of John, or Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-8). Train your mind to clear the field of noise, worries, and random thoughts. Your mind and body are conditioned to hate silence. Still the noise. Tell it to shut up. You need this—you really need this. Close your eyes, read those verses aloud, and let them sink into your heart. Tell God a problem or two if you like, but mostly imagine floating… in the warmth of His pure love. God likes silence too. We promise: do this daily for 1 week, and it’ll get easier. You’ll want it more.
Do the crunches where it counts most. Forget what others say. Your life’s margin is sacred—don’t sell it to the web. Download a book like Henri Nouwen’s The Return of the Prodigal Son and savor it over months. Begin the most riveting, fulfilling adventure of all. Breathe deeply in and out a few more times. Breathe in God. Then get back to the grind.
The benefits? Wow, that’s a big list—but expect:
- The fog will lift; clarity will come into your thinking.
- Blood pressure, stress, and inflammation decrease.
- Awareness of YOU—insight into your head and heart.
- You’ll step back, understand others’ feelings, and life opportunities will improve.
- Better sleep and relationships.
Dude, what if becoming that mature man attracts your perfect soulmate?
A great non-stupid-sounding question to ask a trustworthy friend or Silverback:
“If you could snap your fingers, what’s the one trait about me you’d change today?”